the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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