Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
