my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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