Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
