i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
