Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
