There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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