is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
