Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
