I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
