Yo dont text me then not text me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
worst night to have a conscience
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
