Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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