ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The struggles of a small town man whore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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