I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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