You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
