I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
