; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So much rum. So many feels.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
