If i come over, it means nothing
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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