If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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