I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he laminated a picture of his dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
