Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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