And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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