We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
