The maid of honor just puked.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
