i would punch a child for taco bell
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
