Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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