I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
