hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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