kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
