Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
