someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
