dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
