i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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