I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
