WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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