Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
