it hurts more in the daytime
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
