I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
