I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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