After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
