so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
