Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
