I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
