i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
