hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is Oprah even human
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
