You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
