Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
