Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
