Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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