i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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