I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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